My previous articles discuss the struggles I’ve had with self-esteem, especially about body image and food noise. Since early childhood, various interactions and events have led to a build-up of negative perceptions about myself, my abilities, my future, etc. Along with the negative perceptions, I piled on layers of what I thought I needed to be accepted and successful. I’ve had a few reactions to my previous articles about how people didn’t realize what was going on under my strong exterior. I was the swan, pumping my legs frantically under the water, with a calm exterior above.
Growing up, I had no role models of independent, successful women—well, not unless you count Mary Richards, That Girl, Samantha Stevens (who didn’t want to be able to twitch her nose to get what she wanted?), Barbara Walters, etc. Notice how these are all slim, beautiful, and well-dressed with perfect hair and makeup?
You might think that all these layers would mean I was a fake, but I wasn’t. When I wasn’t battling the demons of negativity and perfectionism, I was searching for more realistic role models and the path to my authentic self, the self that would be confident inside and out.
In my 20s and early 30s, I tried some mindfulness practices. I attended meetings and considered various practices others had recommended. I fell asleep during meditations at the London Buddhist Centre and ran (practically screaming) from an intro to an EST-like self-help seminar. Still, none seemed authentic or fit well enough with beliefs already important to me—or, looking back, that I wasn’t ready to give up yet!
When my children were young, I was concerned about frequently using antibiotics and other medications and started working with a homeopath that a doctor recommended. Little did I know that meeting Sarah Leather would open me not only to homeopathy and naturopathy, which I learned to apply to most of our family’s health issues but also to the teachings of Eckhart Tolle and a more positive mindset.
(Sarah and I also partnered to provide a workshop for women on starting online businesses, and since then, she has focused on helping many women start and develop their businesses. Check her out at https://thesarahleather.com/.)
Building the Practice of Practicing Presence
I first read Tolle’s The Power of Now. I understood the concept of being present “in the now” and saw its benefits, but I struggled to practice it consistently. In 2003, Oprah Winfrey selected Tolle’s book “A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life’s Purpose” for her famous book club. I signed up for the weekly live webcast, the first online event of its kind, with Winfrey and Tolle going through each chapter of the book in each episode. The combination of these sessions, which delved more deeply into the book and the more straightforward writing style, made “A New Earth” much easier to understand and apply to my life. Or, maybe I was finally ready to hear this message!
In some cases, the psychological need for more or the feeling of not enough that is characteristic of the ego becomes transferred to the physical level and so turns into insatiable hunger… would become healed if the sufferers, instead of being identified with their mind, could get in touch with their body and so feel the true needs of the body rather than the pseudo needs of the egoic mind.
Ooooooh, numbing and trying to ignore the body wasn’t the escape I thought it was. It was a massive part of the problem.
If the sufferer could look at her body without the interfering judgments of her mind or even recognize those judgments for what they are instead of believing in them – or better still if she could feel her body from within – this would initiate healing.
I started practicing Tolle’s inner body meditation (click for a video) regularly and found it helpful in reducing negative thoughts about the body and most other things. Doing this in the morning after waking would help me maintain clarity throughout the day. I was more able to catch the negative thoughts and reframe them.
Only through awareness – not through thinking – can you differentiate between fact and opinion.
Learning that “Life is So Easy”
I found much inspiration from Oprah’s online offerings, webcasts, workshops, etc. Her show Super Soul Sunday became my Sunday service. I often watched these shows on the big desktop computer in the kitchen while cooking dinner or cleaning up. In one show hosted by Iyanla Vanzant, a member of the audience questioned, “Why is life so hard?” Iyanla replied, “Life is so easy.” She said it so distinctly I still hear her voice saying the words. I grabbed a blank sheet of paper from our printer and a crayon, wrote the words, and stuck it on the fridge. “Life is so easy” is still a mantra that helps me when I catch myself thinking that life — and it works!
Learning that “I Am Enough”
In an earlier article, I mentioned an online workshop with Brene Brown, based on her book “The Gifts of Imperfection,” and how I made a list of comforts to use instead of food. However, I also learned, “I’m imperfect and I’m enough.”
From the book:
Authenticity is the daily practice of letting go of who we think we’re supposed to be and embracing who we are.
Choosing authenticity means:
- cultivating the courage to be imperfect, to set boundaries, and to allow ourselves to be vulnerable;
- exercising the compassion that comes from knowing that we are all made of strength and struggle; and
- nurturing the connection and sense of belonging that can only happen when we believe that we are enough.
Authenticity demands Wholehearted living and loving – even when it’s hard, even when we’re wrestling with the shame and fear of not being good enough, and especially when the joy is so intense that we’re afraid to let ourselves feel it.
Mindfully practicing authenticity during our most soul-searching struggles is how we invite grace, joy, and gratitude into our lives.
We have reached the time when I am about to turn fifty years old. I’ve learned to be more present, that life is so easy, and that I am enough. In the next article, I will discuss what I discovered in the next decade, filled with more transformation.
Take Action!
🌸 Identify one thing you must let go of to embrace who you are and live authentically.
🌸 Write a page about this, including what may prevent you from applying it to your life and how you can overcome that.
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